This is exactly how i feel with my punjabi heritage and my grandparents. my parents spoke very little punjabi in the house growing up because they were practicing their english and it ended up affecting me because now i can’t speak my language without stuttering or slipping. I used to be really close with my grandmother and my grandfather growing up but as i grew older and began finding and building the kind of person i am, the further alienated we became. My grandmother and grandfather hated that i was breaking indian social norms by being disconnected from the language, the people, not learning typical girl roles, joining activities that put me in a sort of spotlight, they disliked the clothing i wore, the friends i had because they weren’t punjabi, they hated the fact that i left the house constantly. My parents don’t even say anything to them and the freest i’ve ever felt was when they left to india for half a year. I felt so real. And now that they’re back, how am i supposed to confine the kind of person i am now that i know?
The practicing English part is what my mom experienced as well 😕 it is such a weird experience being disconnected from one’s culture, but also feeling confined or repressed from it as well. I love many parts of my culture, but it is hard to connect to it when it has also been deeply damaging. Often dehumanizing. Especially at the hands of our own family. The only solace I have found is connecting to it through those who share my culture outside my own family sadly.
Yeah it feels easier when I’m around people of my culture that are not my family, for some reason family always finds a way to shame you for being disconnected when it’s how i was raised and I’ve tried multiple times to reconnect but it always feels in vain. I feel like nothing overlaps between my individuality and the community I’m supposed to feel and it drives me crazy sometimes. But you did a beautiful job writing this , made me think a lot about my own grandparents
This is exactly how i feel with my punjabi heritage and my grandparents. my parents spoke very little punjabi in the house growing up because they were practicing their english and it ended up affecting me because now i can’t speak my language without stuttering or slipping. I used to be really close with my grandmother and my grandfather growing up but as i grew older and began finding and building the kind of person i am, the further alienated we became. My grandmother and grandfather hated that i was breaking indian social norms by being disconnected from the language, the people, not learning typical girl roles, joining activities that put me in a sort of spotlight, they disliked the clothing i wore, the friends i had because they weren’t punjabi, they hated the fact that i left the house constantly. My parents don’t even say anything to them and the freest i’ve ever felt was when they left to india for half a year. I felt so real. And now that they’re back, how am i supposed to confine the kind of person i am now that i know?
The practicing English part is what my mom experienced as well 😕 it is such a weird experience being disconnected from one’s culture, but also feeling confined or repressed from it as well. I love many parts of my culture, but it is hard to connect to it when it has also been deeply damaging. Often dehumanizing. Especially at the hands of our own family. The only solace I have found is connecting to it through those who share my culture outside my own family sadly.
Yeah it feels easier when I’m around people of my culture that are not my family, for some reason family always finds a way to shame you for being disconnected when it’s how i was raised and I’ve tried multiple times to reconnect but it always feels in vain. I feel like nothing overlaps between my individuality and the community I’m supposed to feel and it drives me crazy sometimes. But you did a beautiful job writing this , made me think a lot about my own grandparents
❤️🫂